Whoπs your daddy?

By Josh Zach

In sports it is plainly obvious that a better athlete will dominate. Better teams will win more often than they will lose. If the Buffalo Bills took the field in a flag football game against the writers and editors of Sports & Leisure Magazineãfor the sake of this particular argument, picture a charity eventãthe Bills would eat us for dinner, then regurgitate us for dessert. Itπs ridiculous to believe that an amateur] could take on a professional athlete at his or her own game, and stand any kind of a chance. However, in the world of poker, a game that, by some, is considered a sport, anyone can play. These ≥anyones≤ should be feared.

Phil Helmuth, one of the best poker players on the professional circuit, and, without question, the most vocal, despises an amateur player. For educated, professional players, theyπre used to seeing particular plays, particular motions, particular tells. Phil and the rest of the circuit are very in tune with what a player is holding based on their actions. These finely tuned skills come with both playing the game with the best players in the world, and from understanding the mechanics and mathematics of the game. When a professional player is sitting at a table with an amateur, unknown player, all bets are off. The unorthodox style, if you can call it a style, of an uneducated player throws everything off. Everything that a poker player can count on to control the pace of their game is disrupted.

Now, you (my readers) and me are amateur players. Some of us are actually pretty good at the game. We know what weπre doing, we can read opponents with a relative degree of certainty, and we can quickly ascertain the odds. However, that doesnπt mean we can sit with Phil and his cronies. Theyπd eat us alive. They wouldnπt want us there either, again, for the reason that professionals become uneasy around amateur players. Most are not as vocal about it like Helmuth, but most will admit that they cannot read an amateur as well as a fellow professional.

So, letπs shrink this world down a little bit, because itπs generally unlikely that weπll be sitting with Phil and Daniel Negreanu anytime in the near future. Letπs say that youπve got a little get-together planned and youπre having a home game. Your pals are coming over and theyπre bringing their girlfriends. Great! Youπll teach them to play, theyπll be terrible, dead money, and youπll have a good time laughing after youπve won their money. Theyπll need to hold flash cheat cards to show them how the hands rank: two pair, three of a kind, and so on. In this world, youπve become Daniel Negreanu and the ignorant girlfriends have become the amateur players. Youπll beat the pants off of them, right? Phooey! Iπve been there, and been beat by a buddyπs girlfriend. Not because she was better than me, or anyone else at the table, but because she didnπt know what the hell she was doing. Uneducated players who become confused and cannot easily read their cards, or the signals that other players are throwing out to them, become calling stations. They have no idea if they should fold or stay in a hand, so most times they stay in, and as luck would have it, they grab a few pots, and, sometimes, even bust a better player.

One evening I was in just this situation. I made a flush on the flop and slow played it to death in order to build up the pot. My friend brought along his girlfriend (Ms. X) whoπd never even held playing cards before. She seemed to be an easy target. I wasnπt trying to brand her or anything; this was a cheap and friendly little tournament-style game. I checked the flush on the flop. A few other players bet, so I called, so did Ms. X. At that time I didnπt really think about her as a formidable opponent. Iπd eventually push everyone else out of the pot with a big bet on the turn and take the raised pot. When the next card fell, it was a rag. I checked, a couple others bet and called, including Ms. X. When it came around to me to call, I check-raised. I raised all-in. A move that would generally tell people something important: I originally checked on the bet, then when it came time for me to call, I raised all-in. That means Iπve probably got something good, maybe. Anyway, the seasoned players at the table tucked tail and folded. Good move on their part; I was holding a nut flush. I was getting ready to rake the pot when Ms. X called my bet. Huh? What did you say? Did you just call me? Uh-oh. She meekly pushed her chips forward and, not surprisingly, still looked confused. I turned over my cards to show a suited big slick (A-K). Holding a nut flush I felt confident. She flipped her cards to show a two of hearts and a five of clubs. Huh? Granted, those cards turned in to two pair during the course of the hand (one pair made on the flop, a second with the turn). But what card player would even pay the ante with a 2-5, unsuited? Those are rags. Throwaway cards. No poker player would play them. Then I remembered: I wasnπt playing against a poker player. I was playing against my buddyπs girlfriend whoπd never before touched a deck. Oh boy. What happened next was foreseen. I almost felt like a Jedi with an ability to see things before they happen. The river revealed a five of spades, giving Ms. X a full house, thus beating down my nut flush. Phil Helmuth would have thrown one of his classic tantrums if that happened to him. Bottom line, that hand crippled my stack and I wasnπt able to recover for the rest of that ≥friendly tournament.≤ I did, however, make one adjustment to my game that night. I will never again play in to a novice poker player. I let them play in to me, if they would dare. If I want a pot from a novice I just bet small and/or check. Novices donπt know what theyπre doing. They canπt read the cards, and sometimes they need a cheat sheet. If they canπt read the table, you can believe that they wouldnπt know how to bet in position or check raise. Because of these stated criteria, it would seem plausible that an experienced player can bet big and push them out. Make them commit all their chips. When faced with the adversity that they might be eliminated, theyπll fold. Not really. If they donπt know what theyπre doing, you canπt bank on the basic poker mechanics that guide the rest of us. Be weary of the novice player.

If there is a plus side to being at a table with a beginner, it is that they have no poker face, whatsoever. The same Ms. X who blasted my nut flush out of the water, she later had a great starting hand. But she played it all wrong. She smiled big, even giggled, and made a monster bet. Everyone folded. She became disappointed and confused. Later, we filled her in on some of the basic poker idiosyncrasies. I am pleased to announce that she has become a better player off late. Oh yeah, she ended up winning that little friendly tournament.

The moral of the story? Just because youπre a good player doesnπt mean youπll win all the time. It doesnπt even mean youπll win half of the time. You can be beaten anywhere by anyone, no matter what level of skill they possess. Donπt let it frustrate you. At least try not to let your frustration become apparent, like Phil Helmuth. It makes you look like a sore loser; and no one likes a sore loser.